Dimitri's Choice
by Fictionlover2005
Summary: Takes place during Frostbite (VA series, book #2): Dimitri Belikov must decide whether or not to leave behind his current assignment and charge or leave with a woman whose made him a very rare and enticing offer. Does he choose to start a new life or stay behind with the woman he loves but doesn't believe he can ever actually have? DPOV, long one-shot.


**_Disclaimer: I do not own original story or plot, characters, or any dialogue quoted from original story, etc. (please add anything I'm missing that is supposed to appear in this disclaimer, you know the drill). All of the above belongs exclusively to the wonderful Richelle Mead._**

 ** _Warning: this story contains Mature content and themes, if you are too young to read such things...don't._**

 ** _A/N I just re-read this for the first time since I wrote it and seriously considered taking it down. I wrote this one night and did only a brief edit immediately after, I usually wait a bit before editing my own work. So it's more than a little rough... Hopefully I will find the time soon to edit this properly because it's really bothering me to leave it up as is._**

I stood on top of the small rooftop courtyard and stared as the sun slowly rose above me. I registered the beauty of the mountain and the untamed wilderness surrounding it but I couldn't actually see it, not anymore. Only minutes or maybe hours ago (I had no idea how long I'd been standing here) I'd been in awe of the sight the rising sun had illuminated, but when she had walked away she'd taken with her not just a large part of my heart and soul but also my ability to appreciate the stunning vistas surrounding me. When she had left me standing here alone I'd finally realized that it was her own beauty, purity, and selflessness that had broken through the walls I'd spent years building up, broken the ice I'd wrapped around my heart, and changed the way I perceived everything around me. Now that was gone, along with the power and beauty that radiated from her very soul, everything had become colorless and bland.

I knew I should break free from the trance I'd been ensnared in and head back inside; I had a few things I needed to take care of, things I should've seen to for over a week, at least. But, at the moment, it was like I was rooted to the spot, unable to move while her scent lingered in the air and on my coat; it surrounded me, taunting me with thoughts of everything I could never have. When she'd left, her face sad but determined, she'd answered my question as to where she was going- 'to break someone's heart,' causing me to, now, laugh completely without humor. She could have been referring to any number of males, myself included (although that ship had already sailed, not that I hadn't deserved it); one of the many reasons I loved her was that she was still, in the most unexpected ways, so innocent and as a result completly ignorant about just how many grown men and teenage boys had lined up for her, all in the hope of winning her heart and as a consequence had lost their own in return.

I suddenly realized just how cold I was and it had nothing to do with the fact that I was standing on the roof of a ski resort high up on a mountain in the middle of winter. Oh no, this coldness had grown from within me, starting with my torn apart heart and moved outward, leaving no part of me untouched. People claim freezing cold is numbing, but they are wrong; sometimes it can burn worse than the fires blazing in hell. I guess that is an appropriate metaphor considering that's what I'm feeling right now, Roza's words had altered the world and turned my life into my own personal Hell. When I'd followed her up to this small roof I don't know what I wanted or even what I was going to say, but the last thing I'd expected was to learn she'd chosen not to fight for me or for us and had, instead, decided to let me go. After over a week of dealing with her jealousy, anger, and immature rants (which I did know I more than deserved) the last thing I expected was for her to turn her back on me and tell me, encourage me even, to make a new life with another woman. Every word had hurt me more than the last and by the time she'd walked away I was left feeling like she'd cut my heart out. Logically, I knew I was acting like a hypocrite; I may not have consciously realized it, but I'd already chosen to take Tasha up on her offer almost immediately after she'd made it. How could I not? She was offering me everything I've always wanted and everything I could never have with Rose. Well, maybe not everything; I knew, without doubt, that I'd never love Tasha, at least not romantically. With her I would never feel anything more than that of a very close friend, so unlike Rose who I loved with every inch of my being.

Until following her up to this damn roof, I thought Rose felt the same way towards me, but apparently I was wrong. If she actually did love me even half as much as I loved her, she would have never been able to so calmly tell me to leave and begin a family with another woman. The irony of the situation is not lost on me; when I'd thought she loved me as intensely as I did her, it had been one of the millions of reasons that had lead me to my decision to leave. But it had also been the reason I'd stalled and pushed off telling either woman of my choice. Now that Rose had all but given me her fucking blessing, the last thing I wanted to do was leave. She was far too breathtakingly beautiful to keep her from ever running low on eager suitors and without the affection I knew she had felt for me, she wouldn't remain single and innocent for much longer. The thought of another man, any man, running his hands all over her body, kissing her perfectly plump lips, and taking the one thing that kept her on the border between being a girl and a woman caused fury to run through me with an power I hadn't felt since the day I beat the crap out of my sorry excuse for a father. Taking several deep calming breaths, inhaling her scent for what may be the last time, I finally turned on my heel and headed away from a future I could never have had anyway and strode decidedly towards the one I could.

When I finally reached Tasha's room I found myself hesitating, realizing just how late it was. I was afraid, however, that if I waited till morning I would lose my nerve. I knocked softly on the door not sure if I was hoping she was still awake enough to hear and answer or if she was too deeply asleep. Before I had a chance to decided which option I'd most prefer, the door swung open. By the look of her, you'd almost think she had been expecting me. Her hair was rumpled in a way that I imagine most men would find sexy, a huge grin split her face, and she was wearing a short silk robe that left very little to the imagination. Unfortunately, I didn't need any imagination to know what lay under that pink silk robe; she had the slender, almost boyish figure typical to most Moroi woman. Once she may have been able to turn me on but now her body did nothing for me, unlike the perfectly curved and toned body of my now basically ex-student. As Tasha ushered me in I realized that I coud stare at her in that skimpy outfit all night and still not feel even the slightest bit aroused. Had it been Rose standing before me in that tiny silk robe, it would have already been torn into pieces and scattered all over the floor. Even the thought of it sent most of my blood supply down my body causing a certain part of me to harden painfully as it pressed against the inside of my jeans. Considering that every part of me was proportionally sized it wasn't much of a surprise when Tasha noticed the very large bulge I was now sporting. I had to suppress the urge to roll my eyes at her smirk, the one making it clear she believed fully that my sudden state had been caused by her and the much too obvious, to be truly sexy, outfit barely covering her body. My body protested against her assumption as I forced myself to stop thinking of Rose and concentrated solely on the woman in front me; I succeeded and my erection, to Tasha' disappointment, began to subside. She wasn't the type of woman, however, to give up so easily when she wanted something and for quite some time I had been the shiny new toy she just had to have.

"So Dimka to what pleasure (drawing out the word in an attempt to sound seductive) do I owe this late night visit?" I shoved down the annoyance at the flirtation in her voice as she walked toward me slowly swaying her hips (honestly, the whole thing just made me want to laugh. On some level I knew she was an attractive woman- in fact, there had been a time in my life when I'd found myself somewhat under the spell of her many charms. But right now she just looked ridiculous, absurd, and desperate. Rose never had to put on such a show like this or even put any effort into getting mine, or any other man's, attention...wait, stop thinking of Rose. Tasha's hand ran up my arm and I fought the urge to fight it off. "Is there something on your mind Dimka, something that you felt the need to discuss in the middle of the night...?" Christ, could the woman be anymore obvious; if I was going to accept her offer I could only hope she'd learn to tone it down because her desperation just made her a great deal less attractive in my mind. The harder she tried to seduce me the less interested I became. But, she was right, I could have waited till morning to give her my answer and I hadn't, for a reason. Maybe if I finally put an end to my current dry spell I'd stop wanting Rose, who had obviously decided that she no longer wanted me. So instead of pushing Tasha away I pulled her to me, her body flush with mine and brought my lips down upon hers, hard.

The moment our lips touched she didn't hesitate, the opposite in fact. Almost immediately I felt her tongue make its may into my mouth as she attempted to mold herself to my body. I couldn't help the wave of disgust that rolled over me, subtlety had never been a characteristic I'd use to describe her and the the zero to sixty in under five seconds way she was reacting to my advances just made her seem pathetic. As much as I wanted to pull away, leave her room, and search out Rose, who knew a kiss was suppose to savored, beginning with a spark that was to be allowed to slowly grow into a raging inferno, I didn't. Instead I permitted her mouth to continue to assault mine and allowed her hands to roam freely up and down my body. When her hands reached for the buttons on my shirt, I didn't stop her, but I didn't help her either. As she struggled with them she pushed her hips roughly against mine, a movement I didn't find the slightest bit arousing and could only hope that once we'd undressed ourselves fully my manhood would onee again become hard and ready. Once my shirt was on the floor and I was left dressed only from the waist down I picked her up and took her to the bed.

She reached for my belt but I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her and forced her to change the intensity for which she was attacking my mouth and body with hers; if I was going to be able to do this I needed her to slow down and give me the time I needed to convince myself and my body I wanted this. At my show of dominance, she moaned and it sounded enough like Rose to cause a shiver to run through me. I closed my eyes and stopped thinking; now that her kisses had ceased to be so hard and desperate I began to lose myself in the moment. I let my lips trail down her neck to the top of her slightly expossed breasts. Her sounds of pleasure grew louder and my body began to respond. I reached down and almost roughly ripped off the belt holding the pink silk closed and felt, rather then see (as I had this overwhelming feeling that if I allowed my eyes to open the moment would be ruined), her naked body beneath me. When my lips captured the very peak of her beast I was momentarily surprised, I could have sworn her breast were much larger, firmer, softer, and more perfectly rounded than what I was now feeling. I pushed the thought away as well as a another that kept nudging my brain tying to tell me something was wrong, something I knew would force me to end this. I've wanted this for too long and I was tired of fighting it so when she reached down and began unbuckling my belt and then my pants I made no move to stop her. She reached down and took me in hand stroking me up and down from head to base I couldn't help but wonder when and where she'd learned how to do this so well. The thought of her holding another in this way made my blood boil and I was even more determined then ever to claim her, once and for all, as my own. Without looking at her I reached for the condom I had stored in my wallet (I am a man after all... ) I was not sure why, but I felt it important to use one even though it was truly unnecessary. As I rolled it on she spoke, softly and seductively (something she never needed to do with me); it made her voice sound different, nothing like the musical, almost angelic, quality it usually held. "Must you wear that, Dimka? We both know what I want and you being here implies you want it too." Since when did she call me Dimka? I hated hearing that nickname from her lips; more, there was something about her entire sentence that was begining to turn me off. A part of me was telling me not only to pay attention to what she was saying but to get up and leave the room as quickly as possible, but I was tired of always doing what was right. I wanted her so damn badly and this was probably the only time I would get the opportunity to act on my desires. I knew I was just adding to her pain, in the long run, but I was selfish, too selfish, especially right now. I was too weak to walk away, not when I was this close to having something I'd been dreaming and fantasying about almost every moment of the day since we'd arrived at this lodge. I also knew, that for some reason I refused to explore, I didn't want to hear her voice, with the sole exception of her moans, screams, and whimpers of pleasure so I grabbed her waist and flipped her so she was face down on te bed.

"Shhh, no talking, unless you are begging me for more. I am going to take you hard, fast, and deep; after this you will never want another man again." She moaned into the pillow and I cold smell her arousal at the possessiveness and dominance lacing my words, voice, and actions. While the scent, like just about everything else, seemed to be off I ignored it and grabbed her hips, pulling them up till her entrance was exactly at the height I needed to enter her the way I wanted, rough and hard. Using my knees I, almost violently (she would have bruises in the morning) pushed her legs apart, allowing me the room I needed to to take her the way I wanted. A part of my mind asked me what the hell I was doing, this wasn't the way I'd wanted our first time to go. Every time I'd imagined this happening I had always been slow, gentle, and sensual; certainly not rough and domineering. I'd wanted to show her how I felt and that I viewed us as equals, true partners in life, but right now, for reasons I couldn't fully explain, I was angry and wanted, no needed, to punish her. Just as I was about to thrust myself in her, hard, something held me back and I hesitated. I can only assume she thought I was teasing her becase she wiggled her hips and pushed back aainst me. Something about the action seemed off and I found myself having serious doubts about whether I actually wanted to go through with this or not. Before I could decided what to do, she made the decision for me and pushed back far enough that the tip of my dick penetrated her folds. Just as my head entered her I knew something was not right. I expected her to be tight, so much so I would need to keep an iron fist on my self-control during the first few minutes to allow her to adjust to the intrusion and my size. Although I had only barely entered her I could already tell this was not the case, she was loose and squishy, as if she'd had sex on an amost daily basis.

Before I could go any further my phone began to ring and I stopped and pulled away. "Ignore it, " she commanded and shock ran through me as her suggestion was contradictory to everything she believed in. A call this late meant something had happened and she would never let personal pleasure get in the way of guardian duty.

"I can't, it's my work line; plus it could be Lissa or about her." Although, now that I considered it and my current situation, it was highly unlikely; if Lissa was in danger I would already know.

'Who gives a shit, they can wait a little bit, you're off duty." What? The fact that she would say such a thing was absurd, I'd never met a person as dedicated to duty as she was, not even I considered myself in her league on this subject. And that is when reality hit me with such force it almost took my breath away. I turned around and took a good look at the woman I'd been so close to fucking and was shocked at how I'd managed to forget, completely, that I was actually with Tasha and in her room. At some point my imagination and need had taken over allowing myself to believe I was with Rose. The realization of what I'd done, what I had almost done, was enough to cause bile to begin rising in my thoat. To cover my horror and disgust, I quickly jumped off the bed and grabbed my phone from my pants [on the floor] and ignoring Taha's huff of annoyance answered it. The conversation that followed made me so weak, panicked, and upset I had to seek the support of the dresser to keep myself upright. Several students had gone missing, managing to leave the resort grounds and one of them was Rose. The worry and pain, for her, that built up inside me (Fuck, I know this is somehow my fault) was enough that I almost missed the rest of the conversation.

The moment I hung up the phone, I removed and threw away (with a whole lot of anger at myself) the condom still on my now flaccid penis and quickly began to get dressed. As I did Tasha asked me what I was doing and after I answered it occurred to me that I should have chosen my words a great deal more carefully, not to mention that I never got the chance to finish what I had intended to say. "I'm needed in Guardian HQ, it's Rose, she and..." as I spoke Tasha' face grew red and screwed up in anger (Rose's anger just made her look even more adorable, Tasha's just made her look ugly and older than she already was).

"Your leaving now... because of Rose?" She spit out, her voice betraying her fury.

I sighed heavily before responding, "You don't understand, you didn't let me finish."

"I didn't need to. That stupid future bloodwhore has done something else to get herself in trouble and you feel the need to jump in like some knight in shining armor. When are you going to learn that she is no damsel in distress?"

I had to bight my tongue before I said something that would either give away the extend of my feelings (I knew Tasha already suspected I felt something more for Rose than that of just that of a mentor) or that I would later regret. Keeping as calm as possible, "Tasha, several students, we don't know who or how many yet, just that Rose is one of them, have left the lodge and headed off to who knows where."

"So what, I don't see why that requires your immediate attention. After all, once this trip is over I will be your charge, you might as well get use to staying right next to me whenever some crisis comes up that does not concern me. So get your ass back to this bed so we could finish what we started." Was she for real, right now? Several students have disappeared and all she cared about was getting laid? My temper began to rise to dangerous levels; all I could do was shake my head and walk out of the door, straight to Guardian Janine Hathaway's room turned (since the Drosdov massacre) office.

Over the next few days, I barely ate or slept, my anxiety rising by the minute. I swore that if we didn't find where they were or got permission, for when we did, to go on a rescue mission I was going to kill someone, literally, and Tasha was at the top of my list. Her aggression, come-ons, and undisguised annoyance, at the amount of time I spent working, had lessened when she learned Christian was one of the students missing, but it hadn't stopped it altogether. She constantly tried to talk me into taking breaks, naps, and getting some rest (all of which she suggested I do in her room and in her bed) and it was just another reminder of how different she was from Rose. Roza would never ask, let alone contemplate any such thing; she'd be right here beside me, working just as tirelessly, to track the students down and bring them home safely. Learning what had actually happened only confirmed my opinion on how she'd react to this situation. Despite Tasha's need to blame Rose for this entire incident, everyone else knew that was far from the case. As it turned out, Mason, Eddie, an Mia Rinaldi had all left the lodge hours before Rose had. Rose, while searching for Mason, realized what they were up to and followed; we were still not clear why Christian became involved. Knowing Rose and her thought processes, I believed that he had accompanied her in order to, like Mis had, use compulsion on the gate guard. Considering said guard had been knocked out with a flashlight I'm guessing he wasn't very good at wielding that form of magic. What worried me the most was that she had neither taken Lissa (who is beyond excellent at compulsion use) nor told her anything about the situation (meaning whatever she was up to was dangerous.)

As the days past and we still had no contact with the missing students (although we'd gained enough Intel to indicate they'd gone after the Strigoi in Spokane) and the fucking councils were taking their good old time deciding whether or not to approve a rescue mission, I began to fall apart, piece by piece. I blamed myself for the entire situation. First I told Rose about the Strigoi siting in Spokane right at a time when I'd been pushing her away and shoving another woman in her face. Second, she did not come to me when she'd realized the other students had gone missing, something I knew she woild have done before this trip. She hadn't because she'd lost both her faith and trust in me (no wonder she'd given up on me, on us). Third, if I hadn't been so stupid as to let her walk away from me on that roof and then gone to another woman's room (all in an absurd and pointless effort to forget about the one I truly loved) I would have been there and been able to if not stop her than at least join her. She would mostly likely be safe, not in grave danger or already dead (I could barely even let my mind briefly contemplate that thought, it was much too painful.) The fact that I'd done none of those things, and a number of other horrible things to her, was driving me slowly inane but how does that saying go: in hindsight everything is 20/20? At the moment I don't think I've ever heard a truer saying.

I learned, during these darkest of days, that Alberta was very much aware of how Rose and I felt about each other as she had to keep warning me to get control of myself before everyone else figured it out too. It, also, became plainly obvious that Tasha was quickly reaching that conclusion as well. I don't even know how many times she attempted to hang all over me, convince me to sleep in the same bed as her, and seduce me into finishing what we'd started several nights past. I was having none of it, it just made me feel even more disgusted with her. She actually had the audacity to use her missing nephew as the excuse behind her behavior; she was so worried and scared that she needed comfort. Apparently I was the only one able to give it to her. She'd also tried, on several occasions, to get me to sign the transfer papers (since this situation had suddenly made her realize just how vulnerable she was without a guardian, or so she said), but I told her each time that now was not the time. I wanted to tell her my answer was a solid an un-revocable no, but felt right now wasn't the time for that either; however, the moment we retrieved the mising students, Rose and Christian in particular, she would get my answer.

What seemed like years later, we finally had some sort of lead on their whereabouts, and it had come from Adrian Fucking, Ivashkov, of all people. Jealousy rose up in me, almost causing me to lose all control and punch the Moroi, who wouldn't leave my woman alone, the moment I learned he'd managed to contact her in some way using spirit magic. But my concern for Rose overrode my hatred for my arrogant, womanizing cousin. He didn't have a lot to offer, but it was ennough to mostly confirm our suspicions that they were in Spokane. As if God was smiling down on me today, shortly after Adrian's revelation we received authorization to go after them. When we searched the tunnels, of the shopping plaza we'd been monitoring, and found no trace of them my hope began to die inside me, and it was the most painful thing I'd ever experienced. Literally seconds before I collapsed and had a breakdown, we got a call that some of the students had been found. All I could do was pray, as I highballed it over there, that she was one of them. She wasn't and my heart dropped in my chest. It ached even more when Mia informed me that my Roza was still in the house and that when she'd left, Rose had still been busy fighting off two Strigoi. Considering that had been close to an hour ago fear gripped me as I sprinted to the house. When I first caught site of her grief and pain struck me hard, as the way she lay, so still, over what was obviously Mason's dead body, it looked a lot like she'd also left the land of the living. As the guardians began to swarm the house she came alive gripping a dull sword with all her might. I looked around quickly and spotted the two decapitated Strigoi and awe and wonder filled me at the strength she had to have shown to kill them both using nothing but that old, dull, and rusty sword. I had no time to concentrate on that, however, as everything about her, especially her eyes, screamed that she'd lost it and couldn't even recognized any of us. Finally I got through to her and held her close to me pressing kisses into ther hair and whispering of my love for her, in Russian, in her ear; at this point, I could care less who saw or thought what. My Roza was safe and in my arms and that was all I really cared about right now.

Until we were on the plane and headed back to the Acadamy Rose refused to let go of me, and I wouldn't have it anyother way. The time came, though, when I had to separate myself from her in order to go through a debriefing of what had happened. When I returned she was sobbing into her Mother's arms and I found a new seat close by watching to make sure her absent and neglectful mother did nothing to harm her. Over the course of the next 2 weeks my worry for Rose grew. She rarely left her room, barely ate, failed to register the presence of others (even my own), and suffered from nightly nightmares. Ever night I used my key to enter her room, curl up next to her, and stroke her hair until I would feel her begin to calm down. Not once did she register my presence there and I was glad of it, I didn't want to make her feel pressured in any way, she was in no shape for it or us.

The day we had returned to the Academy, Tasha had been at the landing stip to meet her nephew. When she noticed Rose safely tucked in my arms, she shot daggers her way. It was the only time I was glad she was so out of it; I wouldn't want to know what Rose's reaction would have been towards Tasha's attitude. I avoided Tasha as much as possible but by the end of the week I knew I needed to face her and tell her the truth. I'd come to the conclusion that I simply could not leave Rose and not just because of how damn much I loved her, but because she needed me as much, if not more, than I needed her. I was staying and I was fighting for us, whether she wanted me to or not.

The conversation with Tasha did not go well, not that I had expected it to. When I told her no, she became angry and demanded to know why. Telling her I just didn't feel right about it or the timing was bad was not enough to satisfy her. Eventually, with a great deal of venom, she accused me of staying for my 'bloodwhore and good for nothing slut and bitch of a student'. Not falling to her level was far from easy but I refused to let her goad me. I knew exactly who Rose was and Tasha wasn't, and never would be, 10 times the woman Rose was. She threatened to turn us in, but I nipped that straight in the bud informing her that nothing had ever happened between us (while we hadn't had sex it was still a lie), that most would believe she was acting on jealousy, and that I seemed to remember a certain incident that had occurred betwen her an I when I was a year younger than Rose now and Tasha was my current age. My threats appeared to work and she stormed away from me but I had a sneaking suspicion that this would not be last I'd heard from her on this subject. She was just as determined to have me as ever and it didn't matter one bit that my happiness was with someone else. As I walked away a sudden realization dawned on me. As I considered and compared the actions and word of both woman I understood that I had gotten something completely wrong. Rose hadn't give up on me nor had she stopped fighting for me; just the opposite in fact. She had put herself second, so I could have what I'd made her believe I needed to be happy. She'd sacrificed her own needs, desires, and happiness so that I could have what I wanted. Tasha, on the other hand, was the exact opposite; she didn't give a shit what I wanted or needed and only cared about what she, herself, wanted. How could I be so stupid and blind? I didn't deserve her, at all, but I wasn't going to let it stop me from fighting for us and finding a way for us to be togther.

By the time my Roza's Moljina ceremony rolled around I knew she wold be ok, that she would recover from this. More so, it would make her a better and stronger guardian. I received notification when she was cleared to train, but I didn't believe she was quite ready emotionally. I wanted to give her more space, but I missed her and needed to tell her how I felt. The afternoon after she'd been cleared I waited for her in the gym storeroom, I knew she'd show, especially after what had happened, but I had no intention of letting her train. Instead I forced her to talk about what happened and I could tell it was helping her, at least it was until she abruptly pulled away. When she tensed up in defensiveness, pulled her hands from mine, and headed straight for the door I could feel her put up a wall between us as easily as if I was watching her build a physical one brick by brick. It made my heart ache and want to cry. Was I too late? Had I really lost her? Then I realized that she didn't know I'd rejected Tasha and was doing what she needed to protect herself; afraid to lose her I abruptly yelled out the word no. She look back at me in confusion and I explained that I'd turned Tasha down because she wasn't the one who understood me or help my heart- she was. Then I kissed her and it was a kiss I would never forget. I swear I could spend an entire day just kissing her, but I pulled away anyway. Until I figured out a way for us to be together, and I absolutely would, this type of thing could not occur often. But even the risk had been worth it; seeing her smile and feeling her mood lift was worth anything and everything.

I didn't care how hard it was or what it would take, I swore to myself that by graduation I would figure out a way to make her mine permanently. Either that or I would die trying. I loved her way too much to let her go and couldn't wait for the day that I could officially make her mine and show the world who she truly was and that she was mine and only mine. I knew that having her in my arms, for good, was worth everything that would be thrown my way.


End file.
